Thursday, May 25, 2006

staying back or moving forward

it seems like the goal for a typical dental student is to graduate within 4 years.......and everyone seems to be striving towards that goal....I am not an exception of course.....

Really really hate the school system of competencies......firstly it is a flawed system and secondly it makes people on tenterhooks and lastly it doesn't serve its purpose......Failed my complex perio and puts another dent on my ego and my goal......

today i went to cell group with a heavy heart and a splitting headache.....To be honest I wasn't really paying much attention even though I was trying hard to.....the friends in my cell group all appear so happy and yet I am a miserable prick, so #@##$ miserable. Why? The answer seems so clear but I just do not know where to start......School is even more miserable than the times when I am serving NS.........

I feel like I am a dormant volcano....just waiting to erupt.....Deep down inside I am filled with so much anger, rage and resentment...(towards the school).......I told robin if I am not bounded by my faith not too spew vulgarities, I would have punctuate every single sentence with the F bomb already....a matter of fact I had....in my mind..... I know it is unhealthy but I just cannot stop it cos I really really detest the school....this is the most miserable time of my life yet......

so long for now cos spending another second thinking about school just adds the lava in my volcano..........

I am not going to quit
and God please save me .......... for I am dying.....dying inside.....exasperated...

PS: this is what happen when you do not follow your dreams and carve out an ambition when you are young.............I made a mistake and it seems like a hefty price...